Harv' a Great Talk Like a Pirate Day
by akaeve
Summary: Written as a fun story for "Talk like a Pirate day" 19th September


Gibbs walked into the bullpen, and looked about, as one does when you are an ace Agent or first class sniper, it was 06.30 and he was early, but there had been something about Tony that bothered him. Last thing Tony said, as they hit the elevator, was he had to go to Walmart.

"I gotta get to Wally World and see if they have any cheap carrots."

"Carrots?" Ziva questioned.

"Yeah carrots…..you now those long orange phal…." Tony laughed back.

"We know what carrots are, just when did you turn veggie?" Ziva continued.

"Maybe, he just turned queer," Tim replied remembering what Tony had said about himself once.

"Yes very queer, if he is eating carrots," Ziva laughed.

-oOo-

Tony arrived 07.00, and walked into the bullpen "Boss you're early….couldn't sleep?" he enquired looking about furtively.

"Nope..something bothered me," Gibbs replied steely eyed.

"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, "Tony shouted as he say Ziva appear from nowhere and startto sit in her chair.

Ziva jumped, "You mess with my chair again?" she shouted accusingly at Tony.

"Yes….No…..just going to make sure your chair is ok, it was always a bit dodgy. Must get maintenance to look at," Tony smiled.

Gibbs' eye twitched, "Hey you two, it's too early in the morning to start arguing, maybe you should just get married, shout at each other and then divorce, would make my life a hell of a lot easier."

"Very funny Boss, she snores like a trooper and pinches all the covers," Tony pointing accusingly a Ziva.

"I do not snore….and yes I pinch the covers as you so rightly say, because you said you were hot and I was sleeping on the couch."

"Snore like a pig Ziva…I remember from our time undercover and yes I was hot wasn't I," Tony now smiled.

"Oh yes so do I, Mr wandering hands…."

"Wandering hands? Ziva you never mentioned," as Tim walked in and now looked at Ziva and then smiled at Tony.

"Oi, I'm trying to work here, DiNozzo if you and Ziva can't work together I'll ask the Director to redeploy…..get my drift," Gibbs shouted the word on drift making Tony squirm.

"Yes Boss," they answered in unison.

"I'll get you for this," Ziva whispered across at Tony, as Tony stuck his tongue out.

**Chapter 2**

"Dr. Mallard I am worried about Tony," Ziva offered looking at the learned Doctor.

"Worried, why what has he done or not done or doing now?" came the reply.

"Ever since he was bumped by that little old lady in a Chevrolet Cavalier, 3 days ago, and he ended up with a bruise on his forehead. He said he did not need hospital treatment, but he certainly has been acting odd," Ziva replied.

"Ahhhh yes "Cervical acceleration-deceleration". You do know that before the invention of the automobile, whiplash injuries were called "railroad spine" as they were noted mostly in connection with train collisions. The first case of severe neck pain arising from a train collision was documented around 1919. In a severe cervical acceleration-deceleration syndrome, a brain injury known as a coup-contra-coup injury occurs. This coup-contra-coup injury occurs as the brain is accelerated into the cranium as the head and neck hyperextend," as Ducky demonstrated using his hands, "And is then accelerated into the other side as the head and neck rebound to hyper-flexion or neutral position."

"I do know what whiplash is, but could it cause Tony to go queer?"

"I take it you mean peculiar, and not queer in the homophobic sense?" Dr Mallard now enquired looking rather worried.

"Well he did say he was going to buy carrots."

"Ahh yes I take your point," Ducky replied shaking his head.

-oOo-

"Agent Gibbs my office now, please," Director Vance indicated to Gibbs, continuing to climb the stairs to his office.

"Close the door, and please sit," Vance indicated to his conference table, "Want to talk to you about DiNozzo, is he OK is he capable of working. I would like Dr Mallard to give him a quick medical but then again."

"Tony is fine nothing that a couple of day's hard graft won't fix, but I will keep an eye on him," as Gibbs rose. "That be all Leon?", as he looked his Boss in the face.

"For now, but I'll be watching too."

-oOo-

"Tony is fine, isn't he?" Abby asked of McGee.

"In fine as in good health or fine as in …well a good wine fine?" Tim replied.

"I mean Tim, he is acting hinky, like he is watching someone or something and he has taken to munching on carrots, and he offered one to me, well I think it was me. McGee do you think the car accident caused something in his brain to go like hinky?"

"Abby if anything then a slap from the Boss would get him back to normal."

-oOo-

Gibbs was getting worried about his most senior field agent; he needed to talk to him man to man. How long had it been since Tony had had a vacation?

"DiNozzo we need to talk. My Office now," as Gibbs pointed to the elevator.

The two entered and the doors shut. Gibbs hit the switch.

"Talk to me Tony, what's wrong with you?"

"Boss promise not to laugh," looking at Gibbs who was not in a smilie smilie mood, "'Suppose not, but Boss, since I had that accident with the Chevie, I keep seeing this white rabbit, it's six feet tall with a cute little pink nose, he is really so adorable, and well he moved in with me," Tony began to say, "Not laughing Boss?"

"Do I look like I'm laughing?" Gibbs replied giving Tony the steely eye.

"Nope, but he calls himself Harvey. I know after the film, maybe I should bang my head off the wall or something."

"Could help you Tony but it would need to be impromptu, when you weren't expecting, like knock some sense back into your head."

"Know Boss and I appreciate, honest," as Gibbs switched the switch again and the doors opened.

As they walked back into the bullpen, the eyes of the other two agents on Tony, Gibbs slapped Tony on the cranium.

"Thank you, Boss, I think I can see clearer now."

"Has he gone DiNozzo?" Gibbs questioned.

"Yes Boss, Harvey has gone."

**Chapter 3**

So it was the next morning Tim walked from the elevator and rounded the bullpen, he strode to his desk. Tony looked across and then shouted.

"No **Harvv**…."

"What Tony?" Ziva shouted back standing and looking around, "Gibbs if he has been messing again with our desks, I'll…."

"Tony explain," Gibbs ordered.

"Nothing Boss, sorry Tim, sorry Ziva, but do you not know what day it is today?" Tony now asked smiling.

"September 19th, yes it's Ducky's birthday, and I bet you forgot to send a card," Gibbs offered.

"Oh yes, I did forget, but it is also Talk like a Pirate Day…'arr Jim lad, yes Harv…..you know pieces of eight," as Tony now limped over to Tim and checked the desk, before walking back to his own.

As Tony stared at his co-workers he tried to think back to the day Harvey had come to stay and why today, Harvey had decided to stay at home.

The End.


End file.
